Quick Note from Reading #7

So this is a big 'un. A lot more complex. Harder to understand. Theoretical, etc. Judith Butler's book Gender Trouble. Here's my selected quote:

"The theories of feminist identity that elaborate predicates of color, sexuality, ethnicity, class, and able-bodiedness invariably close with an embarrassed "etc." at the end of the list. Through this horizontal trajectory of adjectives, these positions strive to encompass a situated subject, but invariably fail to be complete. This failure, however, is instructive: what political impetus is to be derived from the exasperated "etc." that so often occurs at the end of such lines? This is a sign of exhaustion as well as of the illimitable process of signification itself. It is the supplement, the excess that necessarily accompanies any effort to posit identity once and for all. This illimitable et cetera, however, offers itself as a new departure for feminist political theorizing."

Okay - I had to read this over and over again. I gather that what she means is that the notion of a "subject" (man or woman) for Butler is formed through repetition, through a "practice of signification." Butler uses examples of "parody" (drag for example) that shake up normative ideas and make apparent the invisible assumptions about gender identity. There are illimitable (i.e. in the et cetera) ways of asserting one's identity. According to Butler, positive politics can emerge from redeploying practices of identity and exposing failed attempts to "become" one's gender.

Hmmm. Chew on that for awhile. Today I have rehearsals for my own choreography which I initially termed "Gender in Choreography" however as of last quarter I started thinking of it merely as "Identity Studies" and in this quarter, because of my use of video as the medium in which to present my work, I think of this project as "How We Perceive Identity." It's never-ending....

Video from Rehearsal with Chafin No. 1

Below is a video from the first rehearsal with Chafin. I started playing with in-camera editing and overlaying existing sound from other clips. I plan to continue working on interview-type clips and dance clips to see what I come up with in regards to "identity" related issues. While I call this project "gender in choreography," it's really all about identity. Gender just so happens to fall within it. I like where this is going.

Chafin's Solo

Here's the solo I'm learning:

Next Phase of Gender in Choreography and some thoughts

For the most part Chalk Boundaries rehearsals are over. There may be some involvement in the female cast, but I'm not sure how this will all work out. I posted some clips from a rehearsal with the guys.

Today I found Chafin's solo on tape - I start rehearsing this week. I'm excited about it, but a little a nervous at the same time. I'm slightly afraid of embarrassing myself. Luckily I feel like my knees are getting better and other aches are subsiding. Onward!

Friday night's performance by the Merce Cunningham Dance Company was an eye opener. I appreciated the program's variety - 1960's Crises and 2003's Split Sides. They were so different to me. David slept through about 80% of Crises, but absolutely loved Split Sides. David was really curious about what were distinguishing Cunningham movements - how could I tell it was Cunningham work? We both talked about the shifts in direction, the balances on one leg, the awkward jumps and hops, the "kicking" (as David put it), the placement of the arms. I used to think of Cunningham's work as mostly technical. This is the second time I have seen Cunningham's work in person and this time I sat a lot closer and was blown away by the individual dancers. This time I saw their faces. In fact, a couple of times it looked like some of them were smiling - as if they enjoyed what they were doing! I found it delightful and was happy to see them as individuals. Split Sides also offered an easier way in for David and I. The music was Radiohead and Sigor Ros and I think that helped. Plus there was so much going on all the time - the cast was much larger. The chance operation was intriguing.

From all this inquiry about Cunningham's particular style, David wondered how people would know that my choreography was mine. I turned it back to him to answer and his response was, "Someone's getting pushed." What about my solos? "You move as if someone has pushed you."

I couldn't help but laugh.

Catching Up

I've gotten a little behind on blogging about my Gender in Choreography study even though it's only been a week since my last confession... er... I mean post.  A lot has happened in a week - naturally.

Rehearsal #6 - February 3rd
The guys rehearsed on stage and I did my best not to hop up and dance with them.  I really wanted to though.  Since I'm not performing however, I needed to stay out of their way.  A couple of observations - Eric's vocalization resonated, literally. I felt his voice.  It's amazing how a man's voice can carry in a way a woman's does not.  Dante changed the words to: "Down. Set. Girl." - as in football.  I liked the change.  It held more meaning for me - like the act of finding a girl as a sport - which to me had good connotations as well as bad.  I'm noticing that being around all this testosterone is starting to affect me a bit.  When I get home I want to rough-house with David, as in wrestle him to the ground and slug him a little.  Poor guy - to him, it always comes out of left field.  I'm trying to restrain myself.

Brenda Dixon-Gottschild

That's right - I said Brenda Dixon-Gottschild.  She gave a couple of talks Thursday, the 4th.  While her name seems unexpected for this post, it's right on target.  Her morning talk touched on appropriation and what it means to take movement from another culture/heritage. In my Postmodern readings, I enjoyed Jane Desmond's article, "Embodying Difference: Issues in Dance and Cultural Studies." I especially liked the section which discusses transmission in appropriation. I will never be able to dance like a man, but what happens when I take movement crafted for a man and put it on my body? What does that transmission look like?  How does it change?

Dress Rehearsal #7 - February 6th
The guys finally got the chance to step onto the Mershon stage. I waited for this moment for a long time - the moment when they realized just how massive that stage is.  Their running patterns were going to be much longer.  I was happy to see that they responded the same way I would (as in - "Oh crap!").  Again, I filled the role of observer, gave feedback, and ran the sound.  I love watching rehearsals, but at the same time I still found this to be a frustrating place.  And then it dawned on me - what I would like to do is to perform in an all male piece - not to pass myself off as a man, but to see if I can keep up with them or run in their pack.  Right now I'm learning about their rehearsal dynamic with an outside eye but maybe performing will be the next step?

Super Sunday, February 7th
The guys rocked their performances.  Quite honestly, I was struck by their athleticism. Also, after going through the Hard Targets exhibit at the Wexner I left quite enamored by the different shades of masculinity.  Looking at Wladimir Klitschko sitting square in front of a video lens staring down at me, made me a bit uneasy.  The tension between me and the screen seemed real.  He was motionless for the most part, so I felt a little safe - until he moved slightly and I realized it was a video instead of a photograph.  He exuded power, strength and looked like he could knock my block off.  Oddly, I found this fascinatingly mesmerizing.  What is this thing, "maleness?"

Parting Thoughts
There's more that I've discovered this week, but I need to end this post sometime.  Eventually I'll post videos.  In fact, there are a couple of old videos I want to post but need to get the rights to do so.  I'm starting to track my fascination with this topic.  It goes further back than I imagined.

Gender in Choreography - Fourth and Fifth Rehearsals

January 20th
I have to really laugh at myself when I'm being a complete idiot.  I scurried from class to the locker room to change for rehearsal only to ram my head rather forcefully into a metal locker door. There's something about a bleeding skull that makes me angry.  So here I was, alone in the women's locker room at 7:45 at night, holding my head, muttering obscenities and trying really hard not to cry.  I wasn't very successful.  I splashed water on my face hoping to keep it from turning that pitiful splotchy red color because I didn't want the guys to know I cried.  I kept thinking, "There's no crying in baseball!"

I walked into rehearsal as non-chalant as possible.  Michael kind of looked at me funny but didn't say anything. Somehow I thought I was in the clear. Later, Eric came over and calmly asked me how I was doing. I said, "Ah, yeah.  I'm doing good. How are you?" To which he replied in his naturally sensitive and caring voice, "Fine. I just noticed that your face was really red and I wondered if you were okay."  So I just let it spill what happened. Eric was concerned about me and at one point commented that he was feeling really protective of me and wasn't sure why.

So here's my point to all this - sometimes there's no avoiding the gender roles we end up playing.

January 23rd
Saturday's rehearsal has been my most favorite by far. I videotaped a couple of the phrases so that I can work on my timing a little more.  These guys drop their weight differently than I do and my timing is off.  The interesting thing about this rehearsal though was my filling in for Eric's role and having to yell, "Girl!" This was fun, however very confusing when the guys started sniffing the air as if they were dogs. It was easy for me to yell GIRL!, but when all the guys behind me started sniffing, I automatically felt really self-conscious.  I know I was supposed to be sniffing too, but it wasn't my first inclination.  My first inclination was to cover my butt. After the first time, I think we all laughed at the strangeness of the situation - after all, I was supposed to be Eric and he wouldn't have had the same reaction. I remember laughing and turning around to look at them and noticing that they had all backed away from me. Dante posted a video on his blog - check it out http://dnbdance.wordpress.com.

Gender in Choreography, Second and Third Rehearsals

This week I continued going to the gym. I had no choice if I wanted to keep up in Chalk Boundaries. We had two rehearsals this week. In the midst of it all, my left quadriceps muscle became overworked and started pulling at my patella tendon, causing swelling in my left knee.  I found this disturbing because I felt like I just started!  Thankfully I was able to see Robin in the Wellness Center. She manipulated the swelling down and determined that I didn't pull any ligaments or tendons.  What a relief!  After solid sleep last night, my knee now feels like 95%.  I'm so relieved.  (I mean - how embarrassing!)

January 13th - Second Rehearsal
This was kind of a bust.  Rehearsal was changed from 7:30 to 7:00, but I didn't get that memo.  Because I travel from West campus following my Interactive Media class that gets out at 7:18, I was extremely late - later than I thought I would have been.  The guys were already in the midst of working on a group partnering section that I couldn't easily slip into.  I felt pretty useless - there wasn't much I could do and consequently, didn't get the opportunity to dance.  I experienced this odd wave of separateness run over me.  The guys were dancing.  I was not.  Was this a conspiracy??? Of course not. But I really wanted the coach to put me in the game. Rehearsals just don't work that way though.  I went home at 9pm and worked another 3 hours towards straining my quadriceps.

January 16th - Third Rehearsal
Aside from being a little tentative about a few movements because of my knee - I felt pretty good.  We were in Studio 1 and were able to use more space, dance bigger and cover more ground.  The guys seemed more receptive to me being an auxiliary member.  Some jokes were cracked about movement vocabulary (things I won't post on my blog) and I did my best not to giggle like a little girl at their guy humor.

Right now I'm in the media lab on a Saturday night blogging about these rehearsals.  Where is my life going - 8pm on a Saturday night - on a three day weekend!

Dante is busy posting videos from rehearsals.  Besides having an all-male cast, he also has an all-female cast.  He comes up with the movement for the men, sets the movement on them and then sets that same movement on the women.  I just happen to be rehearsing with the men to see what the difference is for me physically.  I watched the video from the all-female cast.  Wow!  The quality is so different!  The guys step wider, jump higher - suspending more in the air.  The women are quicker, their steps shorter and their arms seem to float. This is getting interesting!  I can't wait till the next rehearsal!

I have more topics to blog.  Till next time~

Gender in Choreography - Independent Study

The purpose of Gender in Choreography is for me to learn three works choreographed BY men specifically FOR men and to document the process. I want to see how my body interprets the movement. I'm particularly curious about what it is like as a woman to slip into masculine-specific movement - what is achievable, what is transformable and what is unattainable.

I'll use this blog to document weekly rehearsals for myself and also for my advisor, Melanie Bales. I'll start this off with the first piece I'm working with, Chalk Boundaries, choreographed by Dante Brown. This piece is an all male ensemble currently in rehearsal for the February 7th Super Sunday event for the Hard Targets exhibition at the Wexner Center. You can read more about Brown's process on his blog: http://dnbdance.wordpress.com.  While I am not performing at the Super Sunday event, I am fully involved in the rehearsals. Thankfully Dante has been really cool with this idea!

January 6th - First rehearsal
I liked being a little invisible as I danced around the all male cast, which happens to be Mike Abbatiello, Dante Brown, Quentin Burley, Eric Nordstrom and Chafin Seymour. Aside from Nordstrom, most of the dancers are in their early twenties - if that. I think I'm older than two of them put together.  So, not only is this a gender study, but it's also an age study.

I spent most of rehearsal observing myself observing.  I really didn't think being a "minority" in a rehearsal would bring up so many memories of growing up with an older brother and wanting desperately to play with the big boys.  But that's exactly how I felt.  I maintained my distance in this first rehearsal though - which wasn't hard.  I think the undergraduate dancers were a little wary of me - they didn't know me and probably didn't understand why I wanted to be a part of their all-male experience.

I continued to run through more internal questioning, like - what does it mean to be a man? I wondered if men had the same question.  All these guys were clearly individuals and I bet they'd answer that question differently as well.  Why is this question so fascinating to me?  I feel like I've been asking myself this question a lot the older I get.  I know what I like in men - but why do I like those qualities?  Would I still like those qualities if I were also a man?  Also, is it just their physical strength that makes men dance differently or is it their gender that asserts other qualities.  I noticed an obvious difference in the dynamics of the cast as opposed to a mixed or all female cast.  The men took up a lot more room and they didn't gossip.  I liked this!

Eventually memories of dancing in Heywood "Woody" McGriff's Dig came flashing back at me.  I remembered how much I enjoyed the athleticism in his choreography.  I remembered how I wanted to jump as high as he did and command the space the same way he did.  Maybe I just like this kind of strong, athletic movement.  And why not?

More to come!