Snow Day - February 16, 2010

Yah, I know - enough with the dog! It's just that I love seeing her play in the snow and we have so much of it.

Next Phase of Gender in Choreography and some thoughts

For the most part Chalk Boundaries rehearsals are over. There may be some involvement in the female cast, but I'm not sure how this will all work out. I posted some clips from a rehearsal with the guys.

Today I found Chafin's solo on tape - I start rehearsing this week. I'm excited about it, but a little a nervous at the same time. I'm slightly afraid of embarrassing myself. Luckily I feel like my knees are getting better and other aches are subsiding. Onward!

Friday night's performance by the Merce Cunningham Dance Company was an eye opener. I appreciated the program's variety - 1960's Crises and 2003's Split Sides. They were so different to me. David slept through about 80% of Crises, but absolutely loved Split Sides. David was really curious about what were distinguishing Cunningham movements - how could I tell it was Cunningham work? We both talked about the shifts in direction, the balances on one leg, the awkward jumps and hops, the "kicking" (as David put it), the placement of the arms. I used to think of Cunningham's work as mostly technical. This is the second time I have seen Cunningham's work in person and this time I sat a lot closer and was blown away by the individual dancers. This time I saw their faces. In fact, a couple of times it looked like some of them were smiling - as if they enjoyed what they were doing! I found it delightful and was happy to see them as individuals. Split Sides also offered an easier way in for David and I. The music was Radiohead and Sigor Ros and I think that helped. Plus there was so much going on all the time - the cast was much larger. The chance operation was intriguing.

From all this inquiry about Cunningham's particular style, David wondered how people would know that my choreography was mine. I turned it back to him to answer and his response was, "Someone's getting pushed." What about my solos? "You move as if someone has pushed you."

I couldn't help but laugh.

Merce Cunningham Legacy Tour Kicks-off Tonight!

Right now I'm biding my time until the Pre-Performance talk before Merce Cunningham's company takes the stage at Mershon Auditorium.  I can't wait to listen to Karen Elliot and David Covey speak about their experiences working with Cunningham.  I am constantly in awe that I attend a school who have faculty such as these.  The lives they have lived, my goodness!  And I get to learn from them?!  I can't believe how fortunate I am.

Oh, and I'm really excited to see Cunningham's company too.  I'm a little bummed that I missed the master class - the sign up came and went before I ever knew it was offered.  I enjoyed hearing from those who did take the class though - I only heard positive things from them. I'm always surprised that not more dancers have taken his technique.  It makes me think I've been around longer than I realize.

On days like today, with Cunningham's influence so near, I really miss Kate Warren.  But that's another story.

Now - off to the show!

Catching Up

I've gotten a little behind on blogging about my Gender in Choreography study even though it's only been a week since my last confession... er... I mean post.  A lot has happened in a week - naturally.

Rehearsal #6 - February 3rd
The guys rehearsed on stage and I did my best not to hop up and dance with them.  I really wanted to though.  Since I'm not performing however, I needed to stay out of their way.  A couple of observations - Eric's vocalization resonated, literally. I felt his voice.  It's amazing how a man's voice can carry in a way a woman's does not.  Dante changed the words to: "Down. Set. Girl." - as in football.  I liked the change.  It held more meaning for me - like the act of finding a girl as a sport - which to me had good connotations as well as bad.  I'm noticing that being around all this testosterone is starting to affect me a bit.  When I get home I want to rough-house with David, as in wrestle him to the ground and slug him a little.  Poor guy - to him, it always comes out of left field.  I'm trying to restrain myself.

Brenda Dixon-Gottschild

That's right - I said Brenda Dixon-Gottschild.  She gave a couple of talks Thursday, the 4th.  While her name seems unexpected for this post, it's right on target.  Her morning talk touched on appropriation and what it means to take movement from another culture/heritage. In my Postmodern readings, I enjoyed Jane Desmond's article, "Embodying Difference: Issues in Dance and Cultural Studies." I especially liked the section which discusses transmission in appropriation. I will never be able to dance like a man, but what happens when I take movement crafted for a man and put it on my body? What does that transmission look like?  How does it change?

Dress Rehearsal #7 - February 6th
The guys finally got the chance to step onto the Mershon stage. I waited for this moment for a long time - the moment when they realized just how massive that stage is.  Their running patterns were going to be much longer.  I was happy to see that they responded the same way I would (as in - "Oh crap!").  Again, I filled the role of observer, gave feedback, and ran the sound.  I love watching rehearsals, but at the same time I still found this to be a frustrating place.  And then it dawned on me - what I would like to do is to perform in an all male piece - not to pass myself off as a man, but to see if I can keep up with them or run in their pack.  Right now I'm learning about their rehearsal dynamic with an outside eye but maybe performing will be the next step?

Super Sunday, February 7th
The guys rocked their performances.  Quite honestly, I was struck by their athleticism. Also, after going through the Hard Targets exhibit at the Wexner I left quite enamored by the different shades of masculinity.  Looking at Wladimir Klitschko sitting square in front of a video lens staring down at me, made me a bit uneasy.  The tension between me and the screen seemed real.  He was motionless for the most part, so I felt a little safe - until he moved slightly and I realized it was a video instead of a photograph.  He exuded power, strength and looked like he could knock my block off.  Oddly, I found this fascinatingly mesmerizing.  What is this thing, "maleness?"

Parting Thoughts
There's more that I've discovered this week, but I need to end this post sometime.  Eventually I'll post videos.  In fact, there are a couple of old videos I want to post but need to get the rights to do so.  I'm starting to track my fascination with this topic.  It goes further back than I imagined.

A Couple of Quotes to Inspire Change

"Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work." - Bette Davis

"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated untildefeat has been accepted as reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to greater effort to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth." - Bruce Lee

This week has been a tough one already.  I feel behind on everything and my body wants to sleep.  I don't feel like I have the time to do anything well.  I am hoping to turn some of this around - as in re-evaluate what I think I'm trying to accomplish.  If it's discovery - then yes, I think I'm discovering a lot.  If it's crafting my best choreography or whipping out my best performance in class, then maybe no.  Maybe it doesn't always have to be about excellence.

On a side note, I adjusted my morning ritual ... again.  I can't manage to get up in time to include mat exercises before class.  I've maintained my stretches and a little meditation in the morning though.  Instead of the mat exercises, I've started walking again.  It snowed last night, but it's sunny and by this afternoon the snow had melted.  Maybe the weather will continue to get better.  Walking before class for 30 minutes seems to help a lot.  Oh, and not that it's noticeable, I'm dropping weight consistently each week.  This will help the knees too!

Now - off to attempting the impossible.  Dynamics and Phrasing starts in 45 minutes and I'm still struggling with my phrase!

Gender in Choreography - Fourth and Fifth Rehearsals

January 20th
I have to really laugh at myself when I'm being a complete idiot.  I scurried from class to the locker room to change for rehearsal only to ram my head rather forcefully into a metal locker door. There's something about a bleeding skull that makes me angry.  So here I was, alone in the women's locker room at 7:45 at night, holding my head, muttering obscenities and trying really hard not to cry.  I wasn't very successful.  I splashed water on my face hoping to keep it from turning that pitiful splotchy red color because I didn't want the guys to know I cried.  I kept thinking, "There's no crying in baseball!"

I walked into rehearsal as non-chalant as possible.  Michael kind of looked at me funny but didn't say anything. Somehow I thought I was in the clear. Later, Eric came over and calmly asked me how I was doing. I said, "Ah, yeah.  I'm doing good. How are you?" To which he replied in his naturally sensitive and caring voice, "Fine. I just noticed that your face was really red and I wondered if you were okay."  So I just let it spill what happened. Eric was concerned about me and at one point commented that he was feeling really protective of me and wasn't sure why.

So here's my point to all this - sometimes there's no avoiding the gender roles we end up playing.

January 23rd
Saturday's rehearsal has been my most favorite by far. I videotaped a couple of the phrases so that I can work on my timing a little more.  These guys drop their weight differently than I do and my timing is off.  The interesting thing about this rehearsal though was my filling in for Eric's role and having to yell, "Girl!" This was fun, however very confusing when the guys started sniffing the air as if they were dogs. It was easy for me to yell GIRL!, but when all the guys behind me started sniffing, I automatically felt really self-conscious.  I know I was supposed to be sniffing too, but it wasn't my first inclination.  My first inclination was to cover my butt. After the first time, I think we all laughed at the strangeness of the situation - after all, I was supposed to be Eric and he wouldn't have had the same reaction. I remember laughing and turning around to look at them and noticing that they had all backed away from me. Dante posted a video on his blog - check it out http://dnbdance.wordpress.com.

Another Lesson in Effort & Surrender

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." - Henry David Thoreau

Hmmm.  I came across this quote and I think I have a problem with it.  I wonder if Thoreau's idea of busy is a little different than mine.  If one is too busy to be looking for success, would he also be too busy to notice that he achieved success?

Last week I decided to continue certain rituals in order to keep myself grounded and to further rehab for my knee.  I managed to maintain certain stretches, but couldn't keep up with the mat exercises because I just plain didn't have time in the morning.  I feel like time shifts so easily beneath my feet.  Sometimes I am able to stand up on it as it moves beneath me and other times I am totally sunk.  I just keep trying to do the best I can, which sometimes means getting 15 minutes more of sleep which doesn't account for the hour or two I'm behind.  Sleep is very important to me the older I get.  Likewise, change seems to take longer.  Could it be that I'm just trying to slow down in order to recognize the changes?

Whatever is going on, I think the issue I have with time, also has to do with when to make effort and when to let go.  There's a reason for savasana at the end of an intense yoga class...