January 20th
I have to really laugh at myself when I'm being a complete idiot. I scurried from class to the locker room to change for rehearsal only to ram my head rather forcefully into a metal locker door. There's something about a bleeding skull that makes me angry. So here I was, alone in the women's locker room at 7:45 at night, holding my head, muttering obscenities and trying really hard not to cry. I wasn't very successful. I splashed water on my face hoping to keep it from turning that pitiful splotchy red color because I didn't want the guys to know I cried. I kept thinking, "There's no crying in baseball!"
I walked into rehearsal as non-chalant as possible. Michael kind of looked at me funny but didn't say anything. Somehow I thought I was in the clear. Later, Eric came over and calmly asked me how I was doing. I said, "Ah, yeah. I'm doing good. How are you?" To which he replied in his naturally sensitive and caring voice, "Fine. I just noticed that your face was really red and I wondered if you were okay." So I just let it spill what happened. Eric was concerned about me and at one point commented that he was feeling really protective of me and wasn't sure why.
So here's my point to all this - sometimes there's no avoiding the gender roles we end up playing.
January 23rd
Saturday's rehearsal has been my most favorite by far. I videotaped a couple of the phrases so that I can work on my timing a little more. These guys drop their weight differently than I do and my timing is off. The interesting thing about this rehearsal though was my filling in for Eric's role and having to yell, "Girl!" This was fun, however very confusing when the guys started sniffing the air as if they were dogs. It was easy for me to yell GIRL!, but when all the guys behind me started sniffing, I automatically felt really self-conscious. I know I was supposed to be sniffing too, but it wasn't my first inclination. My first inclination was to cover my butt. After the first time, I think we all laughed at the strangeness of the situation - after all, I was supposed to be Eric and he wouldn't have had the same reaction. I remember laughing and turning around to look at them and noticing that they had all backed away from me. Dante posted a video on his blog - check it out http://dnbdance.wordpress.com.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Another Lesson in Effort & Surrender
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." - Henry David Thoreau
Hmmm. I came across this quote and I think I have a problem with it. I wonder if Thoreau's idea of busy is a little different than mine. If one is too busy to be looking for success, would he also be too busy to notice that he achieved success?
Last week I decided to continue certain rituals in order to keep myself grounded and to further rehab for my knee. I managed to maintain certain stretches, but couldn't keep up with the mat exercises because I just plain didn't have time in the morning. I feel like time shifts so easily beneath my feet. Sometimes I am able to stand up on it as it moves beneath me and other times I am totally sunk. I just keep trying to do the best I can, which sometimes means getting 15 minutes more of sleep which doesn't account for the hour or two I'm behind. Sleep is very important to me the older I get. Likewise, change seems to take longer. Could it be that I'm just trying to slow down in order to recognize the changes?
Whatever is going on, I think the issue I have with time, also has to do with when to make effort and when to let go. There's a reason for savasana at the end of an intense yoga class...
Hmmm. I came across this quote and I think I have a problem with it. I wonder if Thoreau's idea of busy is a little different than mine. If one is too busy to be looking for success, would he also be too busy to notice that he achieved success?
Last week I decided to continue certain rituals in order to keep myself grounded and to further rehab for my knee. I managed to maintain certain stretches, but couldn't keep up with the mat exercises because I just plain didn't have time in the morning. I feel like time shifts so easily beneath my feet. Sometimes I am able to stand up on it as it moves beneath me and other times I am totally sunk. I just keep trying to do the best I can, which sometimes means getting 15 minutes more of sleep which doesn't account for the hour or two I'm behind. Sleep is very important to me the older I get. Likewise, change seems to take longer. Could it be that I'm just trying to slow down in order to recognize the changes?
Whatever is going on, I think the issue I have with time, also has to do with when to make effort and when to let go. There's a reason for savasana at the end of an intense yoga class...
Monday, January 18, 2010
Art and Fear
Last quarter I engaged in a regular yoga practice twice a week, along with also blogging about it twice a week. This quarter, it's not as simple to find my physical practice. The two technique classes really aren't meant as "physical practice" in the traditional mode of practicing the same concepts each day - as in sun salutation or tendues at the barre. The modern classes I take vary from day to day - which I like - however I see the need for consistency in order to anchor myself. After registration completed, I have 20 credit hours. This is insane. The busiest classes for me aren't actually classes - they're independent studies that only account for 1 credit each. I have five independent studies and I'm happy about them all. Nevertheless...
After pondering on this little dilemma, I think I came up with an idea. I need to get my mat out every morning and work on some core issues for myself. I'll pick one topic each week and build on them. And, as I enjoyed Michael Morris's approach of taking literary inspiration and applying to my own life, I will also pick a quote or passage and share that in my blog. The passages I draw from won't necessarily be yoga-centered, but will most likely draw from books I read for my other classes. In other words, I will relate certain issues to my own physical practice as another way of embodying what I'm learning here.
So I will start now. It's a quote from a book I'm reading for the Dynamics and Phrasing class, "Art and Fear" by David Bayles and Ted Orland.
"What separates artists from ex-artists is that those who challenge their fears, continue; those who don't, quit."
I don't want to quit. Today I was completely discouraged by the status of my knee. I'm a bit angry that I can't seem to get my body into the shape I want. Plus, I have a final draft due for my Dynamics and Phrasing class which means I need to perform Tuesday. Perhaps this is another detour, a challenge to get past my fear that my body can't keep up, and a chance to let go of things that are holding me back. Perhaps I can see this as a certain kind of restriction that actually frees me to focus on other things and find creative solutions that I might not have seen before.
Tomorrow I plan on continuing my morning ritual of stretches in bed before rising, foot exercises once out of bed, and then going through a pilates mat session that will take the weight off my legs. I'll take the dog for a short walk to test out the knee and then head to the studio to see how I'm going to do this.
So here it goes...
After pondering on this little dilemma, I think I came up with an idea. I need to get my mat out every morning and work on some core issues for myself. I'll pick one topic each week and build on them. And, as I enjoyed Michael Morris's approach of taking literary inspiration and applying to my own life, I will also pick a quote or passage and share that in my blog. The passages I draw from won't necessarily be yoga-centered, but will most likely draw from books I read for my other classes. In other words, I will relate certain issues to my own physical practice as another way of embodying what I'm learning here.
So I will start now. It's a quote from a book I'm reading for the Dynamics and Phrasing class, "Art and Fear" by David Bayles and Ted Orland.
"What separates artists from ex-artists is that those who challenge their fears, continue; those who don't, quit."
I don't want to quit. Today I was completely discouraged by the status of my knee. I'm a bit angry that I can't seem to get my body into the shape I want. Plus, I have a final draft due for my Dynamics and Phrasing class which means I need to perform Tuesday. Perhaps this is another detour, a challenge to get past my fear that my body can't keep up, and a chance to let go of things that are holding me back. Perhaps I can see this as a certain kind of restriction that actually frees me to focus on other things and find creative solutions that I might not have seen before.
Tomorrow I plan on continuing my morning ritual of stretches in bed before rising, foot exercises once out of bed, and then going through a pilates mat session that will take the weight off my legs. I'll take the dog for a short walk to test out the knee and then head to the studio to see how I'm going to do this.
So here it goes...
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Gender in Choreography, Second and Third Rehearsals
This week I continued going to the gym. I had no choice if I wanted to keep up in Chalk Boundaries. We had two rehearsals this week. In the midst of it all, my left quadriceps muscle became overworked and started pulling at my patella tendon, causing swelling in my left knee. I found this disturbing because I felt like I just started! Thankfully I was able to see Robin in the Wellness Center. She manipulated the swelling down and determined that I didn't pull any ligaments or tendons. What a relief! After solid sleep last night, my knee now feels like 95%. I'm so relieved. (I mean - how embarrassing!)
January 13th - Second Rehearsal
This was kind of a bust. Rehearsal was changed from 7:30 to 7:00, but I didn't get that memo. Because I travel from West campus following my Interactive Media class that gets out at 7:18, I was extremely late - later than I thought I would have been. The guys were already in the midst of working on a group partnering section that I couldn't easily slip into. I felt pretty useless - there wasn't much I could do and consequently, didn't get the opportunity to dance. I experienced this odd wave of separateness run over me. The guys were dancing. I was not. Was this a conspiracy??? Of course not. But I really wanted the coach to put me in the game. Rehearsals just don't work that way though. I went home at 9pm and worked another 3 hours towards straining my quadriceps.
January 16th - Third Rehearsal
Aside from being a little tentative about a few movements because of my knee - I felt pretty good. We were in Studio 1 and were able to use more space, dance bigger and cover more ground. The guys seemed more receptive to me being an auxiliary member. Some jokes were cracked about movement vocabulary (things I won't post on my blog) and I did my best not to giggle like a little girl at their guy humor.
Right now I'm in the media lab on a Saturday night blogging about these rehearsals. Where is my life going - 8pm on a Saturday night - on a three day weekend!
Dante is busy posting videos from rehearsals. Besides having an all-male cast, he also has an all-female cast. He comes up with the movement for the men, sets the movement on them and then sets that same movement on the women. I just happen to be rehearsing with the men to see what the difference is for me physically. I watched the video from the all-female cast. Wow! The quality is so different! The guys step wider, jump higher - suspending more in the air. The women are quicker, their steps shorter and their arms seem to float. This is getting interesting! I can't wait till the next rehearsal!
I have more topics to blog. Till next time~
January 13th - Second Rehearsal
This was kind of a bust. Rehearsal was changed from 7:30 to 7:00, but I didn't get that memo. Because I travel from West campus following my Interactive Media class that gets out at 7:18, I was extremely late - later than I thought I would have been. The guys were already in the midst of working on a group partnering section that I couldn't easily slip into. I felt pretty useless - there wasn't much I could do and consequently, didn't get the opportunity to dance. I experienced this odd wave of separateness run over me. The guys were dancing. I was not. Was this a conspiracy??? Of course not. But I really wanted the coach to put me in the game. Rehearsals just don't work that way though. I went home at 9pm and worked another 3 hours towards straining my quadriceps.
January 16th - Third Rehearsal
Aside from being a little tentative about a few movements because of my knee - I felt pretty good. We were in Studio 1 and were able to use more space, dance bigger and cover more ground. The guys seemed more receptive to me being an auxiliary member. Some jokes were cracked about movement vocabulary (things I won't post on my blog) and I did my best not to giggle like a little girl at their guy humor.
Right now I'm in the media lab on a Saturday night blogging about these rehearsals. Where is my life going - 8pm on a Saturday night - on a three day weekend!
Dante is busy posting videos from rehearsals. Besides having an all-male cast, he also has an all-female cast. He comes up with the movement for the men, sets the movement on them and then sets that same movement on the women. I just happen to be rehearsing with the men to see what the difference is for me physically. I watched the video from the all-female cast. Wow! The quality is so different! The guys step wider, jump higher - suspending more in the air. The women are quicker, their steps shorter and their arms seem to float. This is getting interesting! I can't wait till the next rehearsal!
I have more topics to blog. Till next time~
Gender in Choreography - Independent Study
I'll use this blog to document weekly rehearsals for myself and also for my advisor, Melanie Bales. I'll start this off with the first piece I'm working with, Chalk Boundaries, choreographed by Dante Brown. This piece is an all male ensemble currently in rehearsal for the February 7th Super Sunday event for the Hard Targets exhibition at the Wexner Center. You can read more about Brown's process on his blog: http://dnbdance.wordpress.com. While I am not performing at the Super Sunday event, I am fully involved in the rehearsals. Thankfully Dante has been really cool with this idea!
January 6th - First rehearsal
I liked being a little invisible as I danced around the all male cast, which happens to be Mike Abbatiello, Dante Brown, Quentin Burley, Eric Nordstrom and Chafin Seymour. Aside from Nordstrom, most of the dancers are in their early twenties - if that. I think I'm older than two of them put together. So, not only is this a gender study, but it's also an age study.
I spent most of rehearsal observing myself observing. I really didn't think being a "minority" in a rehearsal would bring up so many memories of growing up with an older brother and wanting desperately to play with the big boys. But that's exactly how I felt. I maintained my distance in this first rehearsal though - which wasn't hard. I think the undergraduate dancers were a little wary of me - they didn't know me and probably didn't understand why I wanted to be a part of their all-male experience.
I continued to run through more internal questioning, like - what does it mean to be a man? I wondered if men had the same question. All these guys were clearly individuals and I bet they'd answer that question differently as well. Why is this question so fascinating to me? I feel like I've been asking myself this question a lot the older I get. I know what I like in men - but why do I like those qualities? Would I still like those qualities if I were also a man? Also, is it just their physical strength that makes men dance differently or is it their gender that asserts other qualities. I noticed an obvious difference in the dynamics of the cast as opposed to a mixed or all female cast. The men took up a lot more room and they didn't gossip. I liked this!
Eventually memories of dancing in Heywood "Woody" McGriff's Dig came flashing back at me. I remembered how much I enjoyed the athleticism in his choreography. I remembered how I wanted to jump as high as he did and command the space the same way he did. Maybe I just like this kind of strong, athletic movement. And why not?
More to come!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
First of Week of Winter Quarter 2010
I think I'm starting to realize that I'm in graduate school now and am feeling a little more relaxed by the idea. I'm not as stressed, but of course - it's only the first week. Here's how it's going so far:
I'm going to the gym three days a week now. It's going to take some time for my body to come out of shock, but I think I'll start liking it eventually. I'm sore... of course.
Susan Hadley's modern technique class is really challenging. I can tell that she used to dance in Mark Morris's company. She's really focused on musicality. I have to be hyper-aware or I'll miss something. She announced that she's creating the movement for class in class as we go along in order to pay attention to what we need. In this way, it reminds me of Kate Warren. They are both incredibly detail-oriented and focused on getting their students to pay attention to the nuances of the movement. Hadley also reminds me of Lynne Grossman - so entertaining. Don't get me wrong, though - I think Hadley is unique and I'm looking forward to seeing how my dancing may change by the end of this quarter because of her eagle eye.
It's too early to say what I think of the Interactive Media class. It's only been a couple of classes and they were really slow. Yesterday Patterson covered DNS servers and the back-end of websites, i.e. webservers. I spent years managing this technology and it was really hard to sit patiently through this class, although I know it's necessary in an intro class. I just wonder if I should be there. Perhaps it will pick up.
I like the fact that I'm taking two modern technique classes this quarter. Bebe Miller's approach is different from Hadley's but certainly just as exacting. Miller's classes so far have had a different warm-up each time. I really appreciate how these teachers are careful to look at what we need and are able to adjust accordingly. I know that must sound elementary, but it's a big thing really. Plus, I'm totally fascinated by Miller. Where did this wonder come from? How fortunate that I get to take her class for 10 weeks - not just a week long workshop!
Dynamics and Phrasing - Comp Class with Vicki Blaine. This will be challenging. It's not just a composition class (neither was John Giffin's last quarter); it's also a performance class. The restrictions that will be placed on us will probably be uncomfortable, but I think this could be a good thing. How can we learn from our suffering??? I guess I'll find out.
I still haven't had Postmodernism yet - it meets tomorrow if classes aren't cancelled due to weather. It's a three hour class at 9am on a Friday. I've already completed my reading for tomorrow and I really like the topics already, so I think I might like it. We'll see... Three hour class on a Friday. (That keeps echoing in my head.)
Enough about classes. My next post will be about the Independent Study I started that I'm really excited about. For some reason, this quarter seems to be more about physicality for me. I feel like I'm traveling down a curvy road. I don't know where I'm going, but I like what I see along the way!
Stay tuned.
For now - I'm going to bed!
I'm going to the gym three days a week now. It's going to take some time for my body to come out of shock, but I think I'll start liking it eventually. I'm sore... of course.
Susan Hadley's modern technique class is really challenging. I can tell that she used to dance in Mark Morris's company. She's really focused on musicality. I have to be hyper-aware or I'll miss something. She announced that she's creating the movement for class in class as we go along in order to pay attention to what we need. In this way, it reminds me of Kate Warren. They are both incredibly detail-oriented and focused on getting their students to pay attention to the nuances of the movement. Hadley also reminds me of Lynne Grossman - so entertaining. Don't get me wrong, though - I think Hadley is unique and I'm looking forward to seeing how my dancing may change by the end of this quarter because of her eagle eye.
It's too early to say what I think of the Interactive Media class. It's only been a couple of classes and they were really slow. Yesterday Patterson covered DNS servers and the back-end of websites, i.e. webservers. I spent years managing this technology and it was really hard to sit patiently through this class, although I know it's necessary in an intro class. I just wonder if I should be there. Perhaps it will pick up.
I like the fact that I'm taking two modern technique classes this quarter. Bebe Miller's approach is different from Hadley's but certainly just as exacting. Miller's classes so far have had a different warm-up each time. I really appreciate how these teachers are careful to look at what we need and are able to adjust accordingly. I know that must sound elementary, but it's a big thing really. Plus, I'm totally fascinated by Miller. Where did this wonder come from? How fortunate that I get to take her class for 10 weeks - not just a week long workshop!
Dynamics and Phrasing - Comp Class with Vicki Blaine. This will be challenging. It's not just a composition class (neither was John Giffin's last quarter); it's also a performance class. The restrictions that will be placed on us will probably be uncomfortable, but I think this could be a good thing. How can we learn from our suffering??? I guess I'll find out.
I still haven't had Postmodernism yet - it meets tomorrow if classes aren't cancelled due to weather. It's a three hour class at 9am on a Friday. I've already completed my reading for tomorrow and I really like the topics already, so I think I might like it. We'll see... Three hour class on a Friday. (That keeps echoing in my head.)
Enough about classes. My next post will be about the Independent Study I started that I'm really excited about. For some reason, this quarter seems to be more about physicality for me. I feel like I'm traveling down a curvy road. I don't know where I'm going, but I like what I see along the way!
Stay tuned.
For now - I'm going to bed!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Pictures from New Year's Eve Party
The Super New Year party was fun!
Here's a look at the Super Heroes and Villians who showed up:
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