Preliminary script - "I've Been Watching You" Part One

I’ve been watching you.

I’ve been watching you.

And you

And you

I’m watching.

I see you!

I’m checking you out! Concentrating, contemplating, considering, catching you. I’m keeping my eye on you!

I’ve been watching you.

I’m having a look-see, a listen, a look. I’m laying my eyes on you!

I’m watching you.

I’m examining, evaluating, inspecting, investigating, ogling, googling. I’ve noticed what you’re doing and I’m making a note of that.

I’m following you, facing you. I’m feasting my eyes. I’m taking it all in and giving it the once over. Wow! Get a load of that!

I’m scanning, scoping, scrutinizing, spying, surveying. I’m straight out staring at you. Look, I’m paying close attention. Pay attention! I’m your witness.

I’m watching you……

What I Discovered in Claire Porter's Workshop at Bearnstow

Now that I've had plenty of time to process my experience, I think it's high time I share my overall thoughts - the big picture if you will about what I've gained.

Reading my submission for funding about why going to Porter's Moving and Writing workshop was important, I have to say - that yes, I got what I was after - to examine storytelling as well as Porter's pedagogical style. What I learned will undeniably influence my final MFA project, but a little clarification is in order. What I was looking for was intentionally general. One can never tell what discoveries will be made at a retreat. That's why retreats exist, right? Here are more specific, important things that I learned:

• We didn't study storytelling in the workshop. I knew going in that it wasn't a narrative writing class. Instead, we examined words, which is exactly what I wanted. I have always been leery of using text with movement. Both elements need to stand on their own or one shouldn't combine them. That said, I'm very attracted to voice and movement work that works well together. To me, Porter is a master. Throughout the week, she took us through exercises that allowed us to explore sounds and movements that words can inspire. While I understood the improvisational exercises, I really didn't know where it would take me. Not every attempt worked well for me. By Friday, I think I arrived at a place where something made sense. I had the beginnings of a new solo, that without forcing a narrative, will certainly tell a story. I'm really glad that I took notes on the exercises we went through so I can refer back to them. I also started a reading list based on Porter's library. In this sense my initial requirements and reasoning for funding were fulfilled.
• To go further, I also found space. The unique environment of Bearnstow and the peacefulness the land affords gave me room to listen and be ready for ideas and directions. It gave me a chance to see others; to be quiet until it was my time to say something somewhat worth hearing. (I am almost nervous about starting the Fall quarter. So much noise, so many distractions.)
• I also had time to do a different kind of writing. I mapped out my professional interests and what I believe in as an artist. I came up with the following mind map for the next couple of years:

• I also had the chance to talk one on one with Porter and about how she markets herself as a soloist. I am always amazed by a successful choreographer/soloist. A solo artist has a lot to take on alone. After showing her Bear Traps and Other Impressions I was able to talk to her more extensively about what didn't work this time around. More specifically, we talked about vocal treatment that needs a little work. I'm not sure I'm ready to advertise myself as a soloist, but I do think I have more solo performances that need booking. Solo or not, I discovered that I am nowhere near ready to stop performing. I found this realization reassuring.
• Most unexpected were my discussions with Vicki Angel. I keep thinking about the Lincoln Center Institute and how I need to take at least one of their workshops. I'm curious how an artist can maintain artistic vision and still successfully engage in public service. I think my next step is to talk to as many long-established artists regarding their work and how they've maintained their vision. I'm interested in talking with Liz Lerman. Eventually, I want to talk to Bill T. Jones. However lofty these dream conversations may seem, I think both Lerman and Jones (whose Ghostcatching project is in public schools via a partnership with Lincoln Center) could teach me a lot about community and artistic vision. I also can see how my continued conversations with Columbus artists and educators will help me understand the community in which I'm currently involved.

I see a path and I'm breaking into a jog.

Leaving Bearnstow

Okay, I’ll admit it. It was hard to leave. Seemed strange to share so much in a short amount of time and just get in the car and drive away. Terry Conlon, my passenger/new friend, and I got in the car and drove off at around 10 am. The drive turned out much longer than last week. Traffic was at a crawl in Massachusetts, but so what. We still made it to New Jersey before dark and nothing tragic happened. The long drive gave us plenty of time to review our week with each other and talk about stories from our individual pasts that surfaced along the way. Fascinating how that happens. One goes to a retreat for a specific reason and a ton of unexpected emotions, memories and situations reveal themselves. I wish I could capture that on video. Or maybe I did. We’ll see when I review the videos I took during the week. I’m anxious to see the work I shot and the voices I collected. After hearing Ruth’s stories (Ruth bought the property for $8,000 in 1945 when she was in her twenties!), I have this strong urge to produce a documentary about Bearnstow, but I’m getting way ahead of myself…

The rest of the way back to Columbus will be a solo one. I anticipate replaying Claire saying, “You’re doing good work Rashana” over and over again. And then I’ll think of ways to edit my new solo. As for now, I’m waiting for coffee and for my friend Lindsay to come downstairs so we can get a quick conversation in before I leave again.

(I wrote all the above earlier this morning, but was unable to post till now. I'm home now, fresh with ideas about solo work and my MFA project brewing in my head! Now for laundry and bed!)

Bearnstow 2010 - Day 5

For our last full day of the workshop we began with a morning movement and vocal warm-up. We told stories to a partner across the room and then shared the stories with the rest of the group. Although they were exercises in projecting our voices, some really interesting stories were told. Some of the stories could have been their own scripts already.

For the rest of the morning and early afternoon, we were left to our own devices. I finished what was to be my first draft of a script. (I still don’t have it titled though.) I gave myself about 125 words to memorize. I was a little worried about this since we were showing our work at 3:30. I used my time to focus on the words, think of a spatial pattern and gather an idea of what kind of movement I was going to perform. I never had a chance to rehearse movement full out. I found myself muttering a lot yesterday - just wandering around imagining what I “might” be doing while I uttered words. (It turned out fine. I improvised movement that wasn’t too complicated and only forgot two words that were probably unnecessary to begin with.)

3:30 rolled around. A few community members who joined us Wednesday at the community center came back to see what we came up with. Overall, I thought we all presented wonderful beginnings of work that I think most of us will continue developing. After showing all the pieces, Claire had us go up to each other and talk about what we saw. I loved this approach! It was like having a cocktail party instead of a straight feedback session where we all take time for one person individually and skim over our reactions. Claire’s approach allowed for more time for everyone and everyone gave feedback. I’m going to have to steal this method!

After dinner – another wonderful, delicious dinner – we convinced Claire to perform for us. We shared our work after all - it was her turn! I am always so amazed by her. So clever this human being. She performed about 20 minutes worth of Namely Muscles, which she will perform next week. I hadn’t seen this one before and I completely loved it. Her character development is always thorough and her performance spot on (of course). I love being reminded why I am so attracted to someone! She’s the kind of performer/choreographer I aspire to become. She seems at home being in front of people, speaking, moving - creating little worlds for the audience to step into. She has a certain…. She just has a way about her that is different than most performers and I don’t quite have the words yet. I’ll get back to you.

Bearnstow 2010 - Day 4

Yesterday was a relief. I wonder if the fourth day of workshops here are typically like this. Like Monday in a regular week has a certain feel, Wednesday, definitely Friday, of course Sunday – does the arc of workshops play out similarly? Just a curiosity. Here’s how my Thursday at Bearnstow played out:

We worked on theme and variation, starting off by picking movement based on any movement we created earlier in the week and then manipulating it. We moved next to text. We wrote one phrase and worked on variation. Here’s where things took a turn for me. Without painfully searching for something particularly clever to write, words just came to me. “I’ve been watching you.” Many possibilities here. Many comedic possibilities. I finally have a kernel of a new solo that feels relevant. I won’t have a finished product before I leave. Claire isn’t expecting a finished piece by the end of Friday (er, that would be today), so I’m happy.

I must mention a couple of other wonderful happenings today. 1) I had a long discussion with Vicki Angel concerning the Lincoln Center Institute and arts education. Vicki’s participation in this workshop has been a very happy coincidence for me. I see a visit to the LCI in my future! 2) I helped Claire create a Facebook event for her upcoming shows in the New York Fringe Festival. We are also coming up with plans to redesign her website. I'm super psyched about this! (Check out her current website for information about her performances – http://www.cportables.com.)

To sum up my Thursday at Bearnstow, I would have to say I am once again excited about possibilities. I am getting a lot out of this week – not only choreographically, but also professionally. I am inspired! This is why we come to Bearnstow isn’t it?

Bearnstow 2010 - Day 3

The rain continued through most of the morning, but eventually cleared up to reveal a gorgeous day. During the morning session, we worked with a partner to explore movement and voice at the same time. Eventually we took one movement and word idea and worked on developing it. I kept finding myself changing what I wanted to work on. I came back to the idea that my movement should be able to stand alone without the use of words. I am also reminded about all the physical theatre work I did in Seattle. I think a quick survey about what worked for me might be in order. I felt all over the place today.

During a mid-day respite, I went canoeing to a neighboring island and picked blueberries. While hanging out at the island, I waded in the water and thought of video work. I might try out some ideas tomorrow if I can get someone to man the camera.

I'm hoping for more clarity tomorrow.

Till then...

Bearnstow 2010 - Day 2

So much happened yesterday that I scarcely think I will get to it all in this little post. First of all - and this is pretty insignificant, or at least I think it is now - the rain started. It eventually let up in time for afternoon swims in the lake, but returned with a vengeance around 10pm. I guess this what Maine is like in the summer.

The morning session was great. We ran through some time honored improvisational warm-ups - follow the leader, mirroring, voice warmups, tongue twisters. We created a sound score based on Monday's writing exercise and from there chose an animal to go along with the sound of the words. Then we paired up and performed duets in an A-B-A structure, using overlapping transitions to connect our solos. I enjoy pairing up and creating duets. The performance of my own material quickly ratchets up when joined with someone else - especially someone with whom I am just beginning to know.

The afternoon session was intense and somewhat intimidating for me. Claire started the second session by announcing that we will be receiving a "present." "Rashana will perform for us." This was not a surprise to me. I asked her if I could show my work and receive feedback. I just didn't expect the word "present" to be associated with my showing. Don't get me wrong - I had something I wanted to offer. I just hoped the viewers would enjoying receiving such a "present."

The reaction to Bear Traps and Other Impressions was completely different than I had experienced. Not a peep out of the eleven observers. The lodge that I performed in was the most intimate of spaces. When I revealed my legs during the last half of my solo, they saw every mosquito bite, bruise and scar. During my performance I peered at them, they peered back. They were definitely watching my solo with critical eyes. I am in fact the youngest attendee at this workshop. My audience has a wealth of experience at watching dance. I didn't expect otherwise, however, during my performance I wondered what I was thinking by revealing so much of myself. Talk about vulnerability.

The feedback:

Claire saw a lot of grief. (I think the crying was more profound in this particular performance space - people commented on it a lot.) She thought some of my vocalization seemed forced and she wasn't sure why I sang. We talked about changing the treatment of my humming. She enjoyed the weightiness of my movement and wanted to see more. She felt like the solo was a psychological exploration.

Liz Keen offered some suggestions of changing the sequence of events, for example starting the piece already in movement. Vicki Angel (also an OSU alum) wanted to see more of each snippet. To her, I just piqued her interest before moving on. I received this comment last spring as well, but like last spring there were others who enjoyed just seeing snippets. Soooo - whatya do? Linn Schlaifer suggested I make it longer. I bemoaned making a solo that was longer than 5-6 minutes and she questioned why. Perhaps I'm not confident yet. Or maybe it depends on the venue. The whole group engaged in a discussion about the title. Due to the heavier interpretation of the solo, I received more serious title suggestions like Mine Fields or Mind Fields. All things to consider. All in all, the "present" at the beginning of the afternoon session was really a gift to me.

After taking up part of class (which admittedly I felt a little bad about), we continued our work with combining words with movement, overlapping transitions and giving/receiving more feedback. Before dinner I spoke with Claire about creating, managing and promoting a solo career. I have a few more ideas about how my MFA project can feed into my work after graduation. The conversation was extremely helpful and useful - yet another gift.

The day finished up beautifully with a spectacular meal - thai fish stew followed by a light and tasty lemon bundt cake. Looking around the table I wondered if I was in the midst of a kind of family reunion. Granted I didn't know these people before arriving at Bearnstow, but I definitely felt like we came from the same stock. Eh, or maybe it was the wine. In any case, it was nice. Also, Olivia, Claire, Liz, Judith and I ended our evening watching episode one of the latest season of Project Runway. So entertaining!

Bearnstow 2010 - Day 1

Good morning Parker Pond! (This is what I see in the morning.)

Today we worked on Theme, Content, Structure. Claire gave wonderfully useful directives and limitations. We shared our phrases with each other, learned each other's phrases and gave titles to what we saw - one that I might consider using is: Down the Other Street.

Shortly before lunch we were invited to peruse Claire's books. The following are books that I would like to have for myself:

"Action Theatre"

"Acting Games"

"Theatre Games"

"The Art of Comedy"

I had a relaxing nap by the lake (well, they call it a pond) while my feet dangled in the water. Heaven! And then it was back to afternoon class.

What do I want to work on Claire asks. Writing several short (very short) stories and creating work from them. I suppose my theme is Memory. From a particular memory I drew these lines. They were spoken by other dancers as I moved:

She tossed the clean sheets over the hyper chickens.

He told me to move on and then he kissed my hand.

He kissed my hand.

He kissed my hand.

He kissed my hand.

I kissed his hand.

This came from a dream about Woody a couple of months before his passing. Obviously I have a lot of work to do, but this was the first thing to come to mind.

Another highlight of the day - talking to Vicki about taking performances into schools. She is involved in a program that takes Bill T. Jones' Ghost Catcher into schools. I read about this earlier this year and was intrigued. Now I'm in a workshop with one of the people making it happen. I need to find more time to talk with her this week!

One last thing - I asked Claire if I could show her my solo, Bear Traps and Other Impressions. She said absolutely! I show tomorrow before the afternoon session. I'm looking forward to it!

Time to slip under three blankets to prepare for a cold evening/morning. I froze last night! (But I secretly loved it.)

Bearnstow 2010

I managed to make it to Bearnstow! Two beautiful days of driving and I'm here! There are ten of us taking the workshop and of course Claire Porter leading us. I've enjoyed meeting everyone and getting settled. Each day I'm adding a little reading from Terry Barrett's class. And how fortunate that today I chose the preface to Kitchen Table Wisdom.

At the onset of writing her book, Rachel Naomi Remen was asked by her editor to write an outline. (Remen was unsuccessful with the outline, but successful at putting my mind at rest when it comes to knowing what will come out of this week.)

“What is the book about?” she asked.

I did not know.

“Rachel,” she said. “When you meet a new counseling patient, surely you identify their problem, decide what to do and in what order you need to do it, and make a plan, don’t you?”

I had felt exposed.

“No,” I said. “I don’t know what people need to do or who they need to become. When I first meet with someone, I have no idea where we are going, and where we end up is usually a surprise to us both.”

She sat back in dismay. “Then how do you get quality outcomes?” she asked.

“I just follow the natural process of things."

So that's what I'm going to do....